The lonely sheep

I just changed the name to this blog because i wanted it to be more suitable for a more national audience if i do have an audience.

The name that i picked for this comes from my own experiences in life and i thought that i should share it with you so you would know not to end up like me and know to stand up for yourself because no one else is going to do it for you.

As a very young kid i lost my mother to a brain aneurysm and for me who wants to see the lighter sides in everything i can honestly say that if i have to be glad about something about this is that she died in her sleep so she didn't feel any pain. So for a very long time i just thought that she was just at the market or at work and would come back soon, i wanted it so much, i wanted it to be just a bad dream but obviously it wasn't.
I felt all the fazes in mourning, at first was the denial, then came the anger i was so mad at her that she could leave me and my dad like that until just few years ago i was able to let her go and to say the final goodbyes to her.

Just after my mum died i started my school years, and what a hell on earth experience was that, i was picked on from 4th or 5th grade to 7th grade on a daily basis, one bullyer was particulary nasty, he would wait for me at the carpark at the school and start my day of pushing and name calling and there was three other dudes that picked on me everyday also...until i had enough. One time at chemistry class one we had syringes ( without the needles ) and one of the bullyers said something and sprayed me on the back of my head with his syringe and i turned around and said something don't really remember what and sprayed him back, that repeated a few times until i just said to myself " this is enough " and something just snaped in my head and the last thing before i realized that i was chaseing the bullyer i heard was the bullyer's friend said to him " run " and after that i realized i was holding him at his shirt's hood and my other hand was raised in a hitting position and he was calling " mommy " i didn't hit him ( thank god for that ) and i was never picked on again.

As the lonely name goes i've never had more than a couple of friends and i was never picked first on any team on sports class and i still don't have more than a couple of friends.

The lesson in this is really what i said in the beginning, no one else is going to stand up for you than yourself. Strong people will survive anything.

-jude-